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Sunday, 30 December 2012

The Beginning of the End

So many memories and so many more to create in our last year here at University. 

I generally think I have been the luckiest person when it comes to my friends at University. There is a large group of the most diverse people I think I have ever met. In a normal Secondary School situation I doubt any of us would have met or even been ''allowed'' to socialise, but removing us from the clicky groups in Secondary School we are the best of friends. Ofcourse we have all had our fights and we have all annoyed one another but at the end of the day...we our family there for each other forever and always.

I remember that very first day of university waving my parents goodbye thinking:

 Have I done the right thing? Will I make any friends? What if I don't like it?

Closing the front door leaving me in an empty house not knowing what the next few hours would hold was one of the scariest things I had faced, the feeling of the unknown. I tried going on Facebook but the internet was not yet up and running so I resulted in sitting in the quiet lonely living room... waiting. A few moments later a neighbour burst in exclaiming he was "Jack" and lived next door. He quickly left with a few others to go to the park. I stayed behind and it turned out to be the best decision as a few minutes later I could hear voices outside the back door and I knew this was it I would have to go out there and introduce myself to these voices. I put one hand on the door handle, took one deep breath and opened the door, as I stepped out the group of people outside looked my way and I leaned against the dustbin to steady myself before saying....''Hi I'm Sophia!'' and that was it over the evening and the next few days of freshers week our group grew and developed as more people came over and brought various housemates with them.

I generally believe without them I wouldn't have stayed at University I would have gone home or tried my hardest to move out of the house I was in because without them I couldn't have coped with any of the drama I had in my own university house. They were my safety blanket, the place i felt secure and warm and happy.

That was just the start of it all. Throughout first year we spent everyday together and learnt a lot about one another and I learnt a lot from them. In Second year we spilt off into multiple houses but still saw each other on big occasions and weekends. 

Then Third year arrived and we all moved down to Wincheap in three separate houses but all on the same street. I really don't think anyone else could say they have stayed in touch with so many of there friends from first year..well especially not as close as we all are. But now as we are coming to the beginning of our second term of final year I am realising in less than six months we will all be going off in our own direction, occasionally bumping into one another or having reunions but these people who I have relied on so much will be gone. So how do you say goodbye? Well I'm not thinking about that yet for now I'm going to enjoy every minute I have with them make the most of the times we have together.

Starting with New Years Eve!

''Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines,its time uh uh''-Taylor Swift, 22.

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Olympics Fever!

I am an Olympics Games Maker volunteering at the 2012 London Olympics! I have been placed at the main Olympic Park in Stratford and have done three shifts up there already. It is so much fun and I have met some really interesting people up there :) 

The pre-games preparations have been going well and we can't wait for the official opening on Tomorrow Night and guess what!! I'm working it so I am going to go down after my shift had have a look at the big screen in the centre of the park at the opening ceremony and hopefully see the fireworks at the end of the ceremony :) ...That is if its not raining!!!

Here are some beautiful pictures of the park!

I'll keep you updated on my time at the park and any funny moments I have there!

What are you doing for the Olympics? Are you coming to the park?

Let the Games begin!

Monday, 16 July 2012

I've Been Bitten By The eBay Bug!

Recently while down the pub I was talking to two of my friends ( & who always have lovely jewellery and decorated nails, so I asked them where they got all these bits from and they both replied 'eBay!' Now, I've never really been a fan of eBay purely because I've always heard bad experiences and that all there bits are old and used but it turns out it is full of loads of wonderful bits and bobs new and old and all at really reasonable prices...that was it I was hooked after one look. 

I've taken a liking to some of the Vintage Jewellery and in particularly owls!

Here are some of the bits I have purchased.

Cute Bronze Crystal Eye Joint Robot Long Necklace.
From- London Vintage Jewellery. 
For- £0.99p + £1.49 p&p.

Women Fashion Vintage Rhinestone OWL Long Chain Necklace.
From- Chen3yan.
For- £0.99p.

Vintage Retro Art Deco Bronze cute Owl Head Stud Earrings.
From- Jewelbox_UK.
For- £1.99+£0.99 p&p.

Vintage Antique black eye bronze owl retro Long necklace. 
From- Jewelbox_UK.
For- £1.99+£0.99 p&p.

I'm still waiting for the Rhinestone Owl to arrive but the other items have been lovely, wear really well, and because they are cheap I'm not worried about breaking them and being a student that is perfect.

I'm sure there will be many more bits that I buy and I will make sure to keep them posted on here and reviews for each.

I have also included a link to both of my friends blogs who educated me on the world of eBay... so you can have a look at their blogs and all the lovely bits they have purchased. 


Meeting the Parents

A few days after my last blog was based the bombshell was dropped that the next day (Wednesday) I would be meeting set guys parents up in London for the day.....AHHHHH!!!!!!!

Meeting the parents in any relationship is a big thing, it makes things so much more serious and no matter what anyone says it is the most nerve racking experience you will go through in any relationship.

But why is this always such a big deal? Everyone always say 'OMG your meeting the parents?' or 'OMG your meeting the parents this early on?' Well yeah I am because you have to at some point so you might as well get it out the way early and make a good impression instead of avoiding it because your scared of messing up. When meeting parents all you have to do is smile and be yourself because otherwise they'll never know who you truly are. If they don't like you then you'll have to get them to grow to like you but at the end of the day your not dating them..your dating there son/daughter. 

So this day came and admittedly on the train journey up to London I was soooooooo.....nervous, but as well as this I was excited as it was also me and set guys first proper day out together. We were meeting them at St Paul's Cathedral which I know my way to like the back of my hand. We arrived slightly early and decided to sit at the top of the stairs and wait. The time came when set guy spotted his parents and waved, they waved back....this was it....breathe....we made our way down the stairs, the whole time I was thinking don't fall please don't step at a to the bottom... smile.... and ...'Hello, I'm Sophia' introductions over and I felt a little easier we spent the day wandering London seeing various sights, art museums, the M&M world and shopping areas before heading to Canary Wharf for a surprise trip to Nandos (Yummy!). It was then getting to that time where we needed to start heading back to Canterbury. 

The Goodbye was the ultimate test to see how well I had done in the day I got a hug off both parents and both sisters and all of them said I was welcome down to see them any time....SUCCESS! 

After parting from the parents me and set guy had the most perfect film moment of all time...we got to the top of Canary Wharf escalators and needed to cross over to the other station but it was chucking it down with rain so we stopped under cover for a second but decided it wasn't going to stop any time soon so we kissed and took each others hands and rain across Canary Wharf in the pouring rain hand in hand...I know it sounds silly but it was honestly the most perfect moment ever. 

So I think after this day I can guarantee that meeting the parents is not all that bad! Was a perfect day and turns out they didn't think they would like me but I proved them wrong and that I was their kind of girl....So if your nervous about meeting the parents it doesn't matter and its okay to be nervous but in all honesty it really is not that bad! 

Good Luck :) 

Sunday, 15 July 2012

A Taster of A New Life.

So the time has come to analyse and evaluate the last few months events and how my life stands now. I've been trying to find the words to describe exactly how I feel right now for weeks and have written many drafts but while showering today I had the biggest revelation and suddenly out of no where realised exactly how I felt and what had happened in the last few months and exactly how I wanted to write about it. 

When I last posted on here I was unsure of what the future held, whether what was playing out in front of me was real or a flicker of unconnected or even in some ways I guess coincidently connected events. Now most of you now have just gone 'huh?' but I hope to make it clear what I mean through this post.

When the 'ex' sent me that final text to say 'well i guess we should break up' I felt this huge sigh of relief almost like this huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and dispersed into a million pieces into the air, all this worry and feeling of holding on and fear of losing left me as I realised all I had been fighting to keep, was something that didn't feel the same for me and if it was the other way round would not do the same for me. So what is the point of moping around and thinking about what I've lost when what I had 'lost' in all honest was not a relationship but a friendship with benefits. 

The following weekend I went on a joint social with the Equestrian team and the Rugby team at the Jolly Sailor where the previously mentioned guy was present on the rugby team. After a few hours of team activities and apparent flirting which was event to everyone else in the room but the two of us, we began the walk to barbars (club). Before leaving I had to wait for my housemates at the time bf to come pick her up and so I wouldn't be on my own walking across Canterbury I asked set guy to wait and walk with me. This turned out to be the best move I have ever made in my life. 

On the walk we spoke about various things including my recent (one week ago at this point) break up from the ex and then jokingly (well turns out we were both deadly serious) getting together ourselves or finding me someone closer to home. When we reached barsbars and were stood in the queue waiting to have our I.D's checked I decided knowing already how I felt that this could be our last chance to find out if each other liked each other as set guy was going home the next day for summer and when he returned in September who knows what the situation was going to be like. I kissed him, yes I know this was probably the most irrational thing I could have done but judging by his reaction it was again one of the best moves I've made. After the kiss we were split apart so I could enter in the girls queue and he could enter through the guys queue, we agreed to meet inside and talk about what just happened. 

We spoke most of the night about how we felt and rightly how he was concerned that this was just me rebounding after my last relationship, but in all honesty I had never been more certain of something in my life he made me feel different almost alive again, I felt special and like he was worth taking a risk for, and lets be honest this was all a huge risk....

what would everyone think? how would parents react? how would friends react? how would the ex react? would people judge me and if so did it effect me if they did? 

All these questions ran through my head in a mental Whirl Wind for the next couple of days, laying to rest in this conclusion...Right now all that I cared about was me and how these next few weeks would change my future. I love my friends and family but sometimes you have to make huge decisions for myself. Luckily it turned out that my friends and family supported this huge decision even commenting that I seemed to be the happiest I had been in a long time almost like a stronger more grounded me.

But shortly after all this the nagging side of my brain started to add doubt...

Is this all too quick? Are people secretly judging me for moving on with my life so effortlessly and quickly? Was I being silly? Why do I not feel upset? Should i be feeling guilty for moving on?

This all unfortunately came out to set guy on the Sunday Night of Old Boys weekend (the following weekend after the joint social) in my defence i was incredible drunk and was dealing with my drunk and upset friend who had just found out the guy she had been seeing was seeing someone else, set guy had disappeared with the rugby boys and I was trying to control this drunk nagging side of my brain. The final trigger was when set guy turned up, after several phone calls asking for his help, with mascara down his face (turns out he had hugged a crying girl) but at the time that was enough to fly my nagging brain out of control and into break down mode...i burst into tears and in the middle of Marlowe Arcade cried my mind out to set guy and my dear friends from the Equestrian team. After pouring my heart out my dear friend grabbed me by the face shock me slightly and in her drunken state said 'YOU TO ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN' . This made us all laugh and continued our journey to once again barbars to where we had a beautiful picture despite the three of us had been crying and were drenched from the rain.

However, this event managed to shut my nagging brain up, I could not believe and suddenly realised quite how special this guy was as he stood by me when I really need him, and listened to me rant about my ex bf and how i felt guilty moving on but yet again wanted nothing more than to be with him and not scare him away with this outburst of uncontrolable ranting. This sudden realisation showed me that this is how a couple should be together through bad and good, there for each other no matter what is wrong. 

My Best Friend at home summed it all up just right I think when I confided in her at home...

'You only live once so do the things that make you happy, and avoid the things that don't, so you know what go for it!' 

And you know what she is right you cant try and stop yourself being happy because the world says I should be upset after a break up because if thats what stops me being happy then there is no point doing anything because your not doing them for the right reasons.

So yes no matter how I look at it this is all real and is making me a new happier Sophia.

I finally feel like everything is falling into place and making sense, I think I'm pretty close to living a perfect life right now.

Bring on the Future! 

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

True Friend will go to the ends of the earth to find the things you need, they are the people that will be there for you no matter what and help you the best they can in time of need.

I've found out recently who my true friends are :)

Well since my last post Me and my Boyfriend have split up, he decided we needed to go on a break but I don't believe in them, the break was tearing me apart and I couldn't make heads or tails of the situation, therefore I told him that we are either together or we're not...he chose to break up with me. On receiving the text to say it was over my two house-mates kicked into action grabbing the wine and my dinner before sitting with me in my room while at first I cried but then once the guys had gone to the lads house and the house was free we moved from my room to the living room and danced the night away with multiple bottles of wine before dragging down mattresses and sleeping in the living room with all my house-mates the lads and all. 

The fact that in this situation my house-mates dropped everything to make sure I was alright and to keep me from curling up in a ball of tears just showed me how much they truly care! I knew before that I could go to them about anything and they would assist the best they could but just this night made me sit back and look at what truly matters in life...the ones who are around through thick and thin.

I've also had a huge realisation this week in the fact that I haven't laid around being miserable, in all honesty I've been too busy to, but I have thought about this a lot- I've just come out of a two year relationship so why am I not extremely upset? 

The only conclusion I can come to is that it was over before it ended...looking back on the last few months he was distant, inattentive, rarely heard from him and when I text him in the middle of a mental break down asking to Skype as all I needed was someone to tell me everything was going to be okay and I could get through this last bit..he turned me away, saying he was too busy. I brushed these occasions off and put it down to him being stressed from exams, but in all honesty that was really no excuse for someone your meant to care a lot about. I also realised that more often than not I would find myself upset as he would not contact me and I had to start doing all the floor work, if I didn't text him first in a day I wouldn't hear from him and as our relationship relied on contact it was starting to flake at the seams.

But don't get me wrong I am upset at losing him as he was not just my Boyfriend but my Best Friend, my rock as they say, but I'm more angry at him for not fighting for what we had and just finding it acceptable to brush me away..and no I haven't heard from him since. But after his exams are finished I want to contact him to see if he's alright and be civil as I don't want to lose the friendship I had with him before our relationship.

Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining...

This week hasn't been all bad to be honest... a guy that I've been close friends with for two years now on my course has been here for me and has been the sweetest person ever to me! He's sat there and listened while I've ranted my heart out and genuinely listened to every word I've said and responded with what he honestly thinks. This guy has also been there for me all hours of the day including three o'clock in the morning when I can't sleep he'll come on Skype to me and make sure I'm alright. He also respects that I've just come out of a relationship and despite telling me how much I mean to him has happily taken the seat of being there for me until my feet are firmly back on the ground-he's the true definition of a rock! We'll see what the future holds :)

For now I just want the people who have been there for me during this time to know that I really appreciate them being here and I hope I can do the same for them in the future, and as I sad before it's okay not to be okay as there will always be someone to pick you up and put you back on your feet :)

Que Sera, Sera, Whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours, to see, Que Sera, Sera, What will be, will be.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Well this is my first ever blog so here goes nothing :) 

I thought I'd start with a little bit about me and why I'm writing this blog. I'm currently 19 and studying History and American Studies in Canterbury living away from home-Ah scary! After University I want to eventually go on to do my PGCE in Primary Education and start my dream job working with children, and possible helping and supporting disabled children in some way. But to get to that dream job I've gotta get over this stage of my life first.  

My family and friends mean everything to me, and I can say that moving away from home just under 2 years ago now was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I miss my mum and dad even though through my school years looking back I argued with them and tried to fight against them, especially my dad about school work, going out, boys, independence...standard teenage stuff but it got to the point where all I wanted was someone to say 'well done I'm proud of you' instead of my dads response of well you could have done better in that despite getting a high B in my other subjects. However, it wasn't always like that there were times when I could see that my mum and dad really did care and wanted me to do well and have always tried to support me in what ever I wanted to do. Which is why now at university I surprisingly find myself massively missing my parents, and frequently getting very homesick. 

As for my friends both back at home, although many I have lost contact with minus a special few, and here in Canterbury, my new group of friends who are more like a family to me, they should know that I'll always be here no matter what, even if you just want to rant at someone I'm happy to sit there and listen and offer the advice needed, although I do warn you I say it how I see it. My friends at uni are formed of a large group which has been separated into three houses this year across Canterbury, although next year we will all be living down the same road again which I can't wait for. We are formed of a variety of different personalities from the loud and lively to the calm but bubbly, but we all some how click and when all together have the best of times and in all honesty I don't think I could have survived uni so far without them.

I have a boyfriend who is my rock he drives me mad and I miss him more than anything in the world  but I also love him more than anything as well. At the start of our 2 year relationship he moved from Essex, where we met, all the way across the country to Devon, some people have called me crazy for sticking to it and at the start I was told it will never last but I think as it is coming up to our 2 year anniversary you can say we have successfully proved those people wrong! I'm not saying there hasn't been times where I sit back and think what am I doing to myself but then I'll get a text from him or I'll see a picture of him and I get that fuzzy feeling all over again and realise..yeah that's why I'm doing this...Love. 

Yes yes I know mussy bit over and this is where I come on to explaining why I have decided to write a blog.

I used to think I was strong and could tackle any problem head on with confidence and a smile on my face, however, since I came to University I have found my confidence has disolved and I am left with what can only be described as a mess. I have exams coming up at the middle of this week and have found after the last few months of revision to what can only be described by a normal person as being well prepared, why do I find myself not making it through a day without breaking down in a ball of tears and stress? The answer I have not yet to find but I have decided to instead of breaking down into this ball of tears to vent my problem in the form of this in hope of realising that nothing is that bad and I can do it.

But do not fear I do not plan to spend all my time ranting through this blog I also hope to use it to write about and remember funny times, events, new interests and giving a little insight into my life which at the moment seems to be full of drama! 

Now I feel I have bored you enough with this first blog so therefore will leave you with this...remember when you are trying to stay strong but can feel yourself coming to breaking point that its okay not to be okay and that no matter what there is always someone to make you smile again :)